Don't Look Now

Why are you behaving?

I remember being in class as a child. When the teacher would leave, we would all immediately go crazy. Pull the girls' hair, throw things at one another. You know, all of the things that we would never do if the teacher were in the room. At some point you would hear it… "Here she comes!" Everyone dove for their seats and tried to pretend that we were perfect angels. We really thought we were smart. We didn't think she had a clue. Teachers are a lot smarter than children give them credit for. She knew, sometimes though it was easier just to pretend she didn't and move forward.

It's funny, I see people I know doing the same thing today. When their girlfriend/boyfriend, or husband/wife is away or distracted they misbehave and then get it back under control just before the other one returns or starts paying attention again. I hate to find humor in the situation but some of those significant others are not as dumb as these people think. It may be easier to let it go for the time being but there is going to be a moment of clarity and ouch!

Not everyone sees it though. I mean that girl, you've been trying to figure out. When everything is going along normal- not so good, you are not getting what you need, as soon as you say you're leaving she's on her best behavior and treats you like a king. Hey dumb ass, what are you thinking? What has changed? That person's character? That person's morals and values? Wake up, the only thing that has changed is your leaving and that makes them uncomfortable, when comfortable comes back so does their true nature, so does yours.

Friend of mine and I have been having an ongoing conversation about personality, morals, and character. One of the main threads in this conversation revolves around the question of change. Do people, can people? I've seen this particular friend change an awful lot over the last couple of years. They communicate incredibly better, express themselves better and have a much clearer idea of what they want. They've grown immensely. However they are still the same person I initially was introduced to. Their values and ideals have not changed. The degree to which they value honesty, trust, laughter, family, friendship, the morals and values that they were raised with are still the same.

Some things change some don't. Figuring out what changes are reasonable to expect… that's a tough one. Sometimes it really is easier to pretend it's all ok and just move forward. Sometimes it really isn't. I guess that is just a feeling in your gut.

In my mind the character you posses is demonstrated not when people are watching. It's easy enough to behave when someone is watching, to be good when you're in trouble. To do what you have to in order to make things right. Your character is demonstrated when no one is watching. When there is no way you could get caught or anyone could find out. Would your girlfriend/boyfriend cheat if they knew for a fact you would never find out? If you can't answer that question one hundred percent without hesitation you have a problem. When you have nothing to gain or lose, how do you behave?

I sat with a friend on top of a hill the other night looking down on a part of the city we were both pretty familiar with. We really had a hard time figuring out what a lot of the buildings were. Things looked so different from that angle. It really struck me how a small change in the way you look at a thing can have such a huge impact in the way it fits into the rest of your world. I need to remember to step back every once in a while and look at things with fresh eyes. Experience something new and see how it impacts your world. What a gift it would be to see things as they truly are.